Edison has not been feeling well...

Edison had his first real illness. I was awakened in the middle of the night last week with "Mama, Mama, owwww, owwww!" I ran into his room and he was grabbing himself in the front of his diaper area, throwing himself on his mattress, standing up and falling down again and crying - the big crocodile tears! After 2 hours in the middle of a very long night, I loaded him into his car seat and took him to the Emergency Room. Emergency Room copays are way more expensive than a regular office copay but it was only 5:00 a.m. and there was no way I was going to make my baby suffer three more hours before I could even call and talk to a doctor!

We arrived at the ER and was immediately taken into the triage room for assessment. He seemed okay at first and then he had to pee. He started crying, screaming, grabbing himself and saying "owww" while they were trying to take his temperature and his pulse. The first thing they wanted to do once they got him into a room was a catheter. Now, I've had a few catheter's performed in my lifetime and I know from experience how painful they are. I knew it was going to be horrible, but I also knew that it had to be done!

One nurse held his legs, I held his arms and the other nurse inflicted the pain. His blanket was close by and he bit it as hard as he could. He let go and it fell out of his mouth. I leaned down toward his ear to whisper and tell him that I was there and everything would be better in just a little bit. Unbeknownst to me, the tip of my ring finger was nearing his mouth...and yes, you guessed it, he bit my finger so hard, that I started crying. Luckily, the nurse quickly finished and he let go of his clench. My finger was purple on the end for a few hours but I know it was nothing like the pain he experienced.

A Urinary Tract Infection was diagnosed and we were sent home with an antibiotic and orders to "drink plenty of fluids" and "alternate Tylenol and Motrin for pain". Unfortunately, a few days later, he was no better. A urine culture revealed the antibiotic they prescribed was not helping the bacteria he had, so they switched his medication. The new antibiotic is nasty! It looks gross and it tastes horrible. Wasband described the color in two ways: One time he said it looked like "thick, nasty, green snot" and another time he said it looked like it was "radioactive" -- if that is any indication! Regardless, Edison hates it and it was a struggle to get him to take it until my niece, the mother of two, bribed him with candy! I usually do not like to bribe my kids, but this medicine deserves candy!

Now, when we tell Edison that it is time for his medicine, he says, "Canny?" and we say, "as soon as you take your medicine!" We squirt it into his mouth with a syringe but he will only take a little bit at a time. After each little bitty quirt, he starts clapping his hands and saying "Yayyy! Canny?" and we have to keep saying "just a little bit more!" Finally, the medicine is all down, he has a look on his face that will make you think he is going to 'yak' and then he smiles and says, "Canny?" Sometimes he gets a Dum-Dum sucker and other times a chocolate kiss. Each time, he is so excited and then he hugs my leg to say "thank you" and leaves me part of his chocolate kiss on my leg!

He is finally on the mend and I am actually hoping this experience will prepare him for future potty training! I'll probably bring out the "canny" to help get this accomplished too...

Things I want to do for ME...

Considering the fact I was married ALL of my adult life until recently, I have discovered that I do not really know who I am. The "me" that exists today is a product of choices I made in the past and people I met along the way. I'm not saying that the "me" that exists is not worthy of existence, just that there are parts of "me" waiting to be discovered.

There are many things I have never done for myself that I have always had the desire to do. Many things have occurred in my life preventing these desires, whether it was marriage, my parents, lack of money, children, work or school, the reasons for not doing doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I am figuring out who the real Dana is and I realize that I need to do some of these things --- for ME!

So, here's my list:

1. Learn to play the piano
2. Learn to swim
3. Take cake decorating classes
4. Get a massage or two or three or more
5. Go on a vacation by myself
6. Visit a spa and take a mud bath
7. Spend an entire week scrapbooking
8. Sing special music at church (actually, I've always wanted to be a Wedding Singer)
9. Earn my Master's Degree (not sure in what - I just know that I want a Masters)
10. Have something published

Alright, I'll call this my Top 10 List --- Let me know what you think as I am open to suggestions as to how to get some of this accomplished.

Single, Married, Widowed, Separated or Divorced???

Miss, Mrs., Ms. - what's in a title? Why can't you just call me Dana?

For 18 years and 4 months, I was Miss Dana Renee' Woods.
In 1989, I got married and became Mrs. Wasband Underwood.
I kept that title for 19 years and 10 months.

Mrs. Dana Underwood
Mrs. Wasband Underwood
Mr. and Mrs. Wasband Underwood

Now, I am Ms. Dana Underwood. I don't even get to be Ms. Dana Woods. I could have, I guess, but I have three children with the last name Underwood and I have had the last name Underwood longer than I ever had the last name Woods. It only made sense to keep the name I most identified with and with whom everyone identified me.

I remember being all excited when I first got married. Filling out forms was so fun. I got to check the "Mrs" box and then I got to check the "married" box. I liked it! No more little "Miss", I was grown-up, I was MARRIED!

I went to visit my gynecologist for my annual checkup not long ago. I've seen the same doctor for any "downtown" issues for almost 20 years. I really like him but like most other women, I do not enjoy going for this annual exam. I am guilty of not seeing him annually and instead I see him about every 18 months. Since I only go every year and a half, I always have to update my paperwork. This year, given the fact that everything in my life had changed, I found myself sitting in the waiting room, filling out forms and I didn't like it this time...

The very first box I had to mark was the Miss, Mrs. or Ms. box. My only option was "Ms." because I am no longer a "Miss" and I had a divorce decree indicating I was no longer a "Mrs". Next I filled in my name, my new address, my gender (as if that needs to be marked on a gynecological form), my new telephone number, work information, insurance information. Everything had changed! It was the last box that I didn't want to mark. My choices were: "Single" "Married" "Widowed" "Separated" or "Divorced". Why does that matter? Why does anyone really need to know that? I'm "Single" now. I'm "Divorced." Doesn't that mean the same thing? My divorce decree says that I am restored my "single status", it doesn't say that I must now identify myself as "Divorced". "Separated?" - what does that mean? I am "Separated" from the life I knew - I'm "Separated" from my kids half of the time. I felt like I had been "Widowed". The only box I didn't want to check was "Married" - all the others seemed like perfectly good choices.

Being the rule follower that I am, I marked the box that said "Divorced" - but I didn't like it. Forms are no longer fun - yet another thing I did enjoy but no longer find enjoyable. It's not just the doctor where you have to fill out these forms - it is employment applications, loan applications, school forms for your children, etc. Now, I get mail and it either says "Dana Underwood" or it says "Ms. Dana Underwood". Even my ex-mother-in-law sent me a Valentine's Day card that said "Ms. Dana Underwood and children." OUCH!!!

I don't think anyone, including my ex-mother-in-law, means anything by it, and maybe it is a title that I will someday get used to. Right now, though, Ms. Underwood just sounds lonely to me. The missing "r" means that someone is missing from my life.

I received a wedding invitation the other day and I liked the way it was addressed. It said:
Dana Underwood and Family. That is what I prefer - Dana Underwood - so if you send me any mail, a title really isn't necessary, it will get here just the same and it won't remind me that something is missing....

Like Loretta Lynn sings "I Miss Being a Mrs." - that doesn't mean that I miss Wasband, just that I miss the title that went with being married.

Naked Mom Crying on Mother's Day

I wasn't sure what to expect this year on Mother's Day and you may be wondering what to expect from this post given the title... please keep reading.

I think last year was probably the worst Mother's Day of my life - and I hope I never have another that equals it. Let's see - last year - Wasband (who was Husband at the time), printed a picture of each of our children on a piece of regular white paper. Each of our two daughters had written something beside their picture - Emily wrote "Happy Mother's Day"; Kensley wrote "I love you more than As-U-May (her horse); and Husband wrote beside Edison's picture "Can't wait for you to be my mommy!" Edison was still in Guatemala at the time. Granted, we did go to Lowe's the day before Mother's Day and bought some flowers - but nobody mentioned anything about those being my Mother's Day gift! The picture page would have been sweet and cute had I received it on Sunday morning, but I received it Sunday night - after I made it clear I was NOT happy! Two weeks later, I received a Wii Fit balance board and game for our Wii system. I guess that should have been a CLUE but last May, I thought things were looking up for the two of us, and remained CLUELESS!

Fast forward - one year later. I was dreading Mother's Day this year - knowing it couldn't possibly be worse than last year except for the fact that I was now, officially, a "Single Mom". Don't get me wrong - I love my children more than anything and I know that Mother's Day should be a day that I celebrate being their Mother. This year should have been extra special since Edison was going to be with me to celebrate his first Mother's Day. Unfortunately, it was somewhat clouded by the fact that this was my first "Single Mom Mother's Day". Unless you have been in this situation - you may not understand the loss. I never wanted to be a single mom. I made the decision I was going to make the best of this Mother's Day weekend. Both of the girls seemed excited to spend time with me and we were looking forward to being together. I think they too, realized how different this year was going to be and wanted to make it special for me.

When I got out of the shower Sunday morning, I went to my bedroom to get dressed and there on my bed was an envelope. I opened it to find a gift certificate to my favorite local restaurantn and another envelope inside with a card. Wasband (or someone) had come through with a gift. Did I mention I love getting presents??? Presents are important to me - I think it is one of my love languages. The best gift of all was the handwritten card I received from my kids. It was in Emily's writing and said something like "You are the best mom we could ever ask for - we know you have been through a lot this past year and you have tried to stay strong for us and we love you." I'm crying as I re-type the message. Each had signed the card, including Edison, who had scribbled over the signature one of his sister's had signed for him.

I was still wrapped in my towel, had tears in my eyes, and went into the living room to give Emily a hug and a kiss and to tell her that I love her. Kensley was now in the shower. I walked toward Emily and she asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "Nothing, that was the sweetest card. Thank you." I bent down to hug her and she let me kiss her on the forehead and she started grinning showing her beautiful teeth and said, "This is weird." I said, "What's weird? That fact that I'm crying and kissing you and I'm naked?" She said, "Exactly!" We had a good time laughing and it was one of those moments we will both probably always remember.

After Kensley had gotten dressed, I met her in the hallway and said, "Thank you for the card and the gift certificate - it was really sweet." Emily said, "Yeah, just be glad you didn't get the thank you from Mom that I got!" I said, "Yeah, lucky for you - I'm dressed!" Kensley just looked at us and then told me that she had made something for me at school but had to leave it there on Friday because it wasn't dry. I can't wait to see what it is. Like I said, I love presents!

As for Edison, I took it upon myself to make my own gift from him. I painted both of his hands and his feet and put his prints on a piece of corkboard. He was amazed and kept looking at his hands and feet and saying, "Wow!" Now I just have to be sure he doesn't find where I keep the paint and the paint brushes or he will be trying that himself. That would not be good!

So, the naked Mom crying on Mother's Day??? That was me! Hey...I was in a towel!!

Happy Mother's Day!

I love to search for quotes about things. Just take a look at my Facebook status from day to day - LOL! Today, I wanted to share some quotes about Mother's.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's who follow my blog... and especially, to my own Mother. I love you, Mom! I could have never made it through this past year without you - nor would I have wanted to. Thank you for listening to me, for loving me, reminding me who I am and who God wants me to be.

Emily Dickinson is my very favorite poet - probably because I think it's cool that we share the same birthdate. I love to read her poetry although I have trouble understanding a lot of it. We were both born on December 10th - she, 140 years before me!

[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. ~Emily Dickinson

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all. ~Washington Irving

Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing. ~Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987

A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships. ~Victoria Secunda