For 18 years and 4 months, I was Miss Dana Renee' Woods.
In 1989, I got married and became Mrs. Wasband Underwood.
I kept that title for 19 years and 10 months.
Mrs. Dana Underwood
Mrs. Wasband Underwood
Mr. and Mrs. Wasband Underwood
Now, I am Ms. Dana Underwood. I don't even get to be Ms. Dana Woods. I could have, I guess, but I have three children with the last name Underwood and I have had the last name Underwood longer than I ever had the last name Woods. It only made sense to keep the name I most identified with and with whom everyone identified me.
I remember being all excited when I first got married. Filling out forms was so fun. I got to check the "Mrs" box and then I got to check the "married" box. I liked it! No more little "Miss", I was grown-up, I was MARRIED!
I went to visit my gynecologist for my annual checkup not long ago. I've seen the same doctor for any "downtown" issues for almost 20 years. I really like him but like most other women, I do not enjoy going for this annual exam. I am guilty of not seeing him annually and instead I see him about every 18 months. Since I only go every year and a half, I always have to update my paperwork. This year, given the fact that everything in my life had changed, I found myself sitting in the waiting room, filling out forms and I didn't like it this time...
The very first box I had to mark was the Miss, Mrs. or Ms. box. My only option was "Ms." because I am no longer a "Miss" and I had a divorce decree indicating I was no longer a "Mrs". Next I filled in my name, my new address, my gender (as if that needs to be marked on a gynecological form), my new telephone number, work information, insurance information. Everything had changed! It was the last box that I didn't want to mark. My choices were: "Single" "Married" "Widowed" "Separated" or "Divorced". Why does that matter? Why does anyone really need to know that? I'm "Single" now. I'm "Divorced." Doesn't that mean the same thing? My divorce decree says that I am restored my "single status", it doesn't say that I must now identify myself as "Divorced". "Separated?" - what does that mean? I am "Separated" from the life I knew - I'm "Separated" from my kids half of the time. I felt like I had been "Widowed". The only box I didn't want to check was "Married" - all the others seemed like perfectly good choices.
Being the rule follower that I am, I marked the box that said "Divorced" - but I didn't like it. Forms are no longer fun - yet another thing I did enjoy but no longer find enjoyable. It's not just the doctor where you have to fill out these forms - it is employment applications, loan applications, school forms for your children, etc. Now, I get mail and it either says "Dana Underwood" or it says "Ms. Dana Underwood". Even my ex-mother-in-law sent me a Valentine's Day card that said "Ms. Dana Underwood and children." OUCH!!!
I don't think anyone, including my ex-mother-in-law, means anything by it, and maybe it is a title that I will someday get used to. Right now, though, Ms. Underwood just sounds lonely to me. The missing "r" means that someone is missing from my life.
I received a wedding invitation the other day and I liked the way it was addressed. It said:
Dana Underwood and Family. That is what I prefer - Dana Underwood - so if you send me any mail, a title really isn't necessary, it will get here just the same and it won't remind me that something is missing....
Like Loretta Lynn sings "I Miss Being a Mrs." - that doesn't mean that I miss Wasband, just that I miss the title that went with being married.
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