Grief

I have learned that it is okay to grieve the death of my relationship with Wasband. I have not fully grieved but feel I have gotten through the worst of it. There are so many losses in a divorce. I know as I continue to live life, there will be other things I will grieve. I just pray it will continue to get easier. Here are a few of the things I have grieved the loss of:

• hopes and dreams for our future together
• raising my children WITH their father
• the loss of Wasband's love for me
• time with my kids
• growing old together
• celebrating our 50th Wedding Anniversary (or at least a 40th or 45th - gosh I would have loved to have made it to 20!)
• the loss of my home and home ownership
• the loss of a nice vehicle with leather seats and "bun warmers"
• the Weeping Cherry Tree we planted last Fall
• the loss of my horses
• the loss of some of my friends
• the loss of my neighbors
• not knowing where my children are or what they are doing sometimes
• the loss of Wasband's family
• going to Church together with my spouse and our chidren
• the standard of living to which I was accustomed
• living 1/2 mile from my parents in the community where I grew up
• sharing holidays together
• sharing our grandchildren together
• sharing all of the memories we made together
• watching Wasband raise a son
• I also lost my cook, my driver, my lawn mower, my lover, my housekeeper, and my best friend

I could go on and on with this list because I have lost so much! What I have realized is that I cannot ignore this. I must grieve my losses in order to recover.

Jeremiah 48:20 says, "Wail and cry out!". Trust me, I have wailed loudly and I have cried out and oh, it makes me feel so much better! It's been a long time now since I "wailed" and the tears don't come as often as they did. I still have difficult days but the hard days are becoming fewer and fewer and there are many more happy days in between!